A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to
by Queen of Zan
Summary: Look Like a Plot. Evidently, people like this, because I have many more reviews than my other stories. Okay, this is just completely random and has very little "plot". Less crazy is my oter fic. Fics, not fic. Oops.
1. Coincidence One: Where's the train?

A/N: Yay! I wanted to write a strange fanfic, so, I am! I don't even ka- no what this is about! I assume it's a Harry Potter fanfic, though. *nods knowledgeably* I love spell check! Seeing as how I can't see my(I hope) beta bitch until Monday. Isn't it weird how weekends can rock and suck @ the same time? If you hadn't noticed, I'm a bit crazy! Yay! Uh, well I guess I should start the story! THX 4 reading this, if you are. If you're not reading this, you suck!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Luna Lovegood sat in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express by herself.  
  
~I wonder what Ronald is doing...~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Somewhere, a teenager called Ronald Weasley was being yelled at by his best friend, Harry Potter, to "GET THE HELL UP!!" That is a direct quote.  
  
"MAN, WE'RE LATE! WE ALREADY MISSED THE TRAIN!!"  
  
Ronald Weasley woke with a start, not groggy at all, like he normally was. "WHAT?!? Oh, no, Hermione's going to kill us!"  
  
"Forget Hermione, what about Dumbledore, Mr. Head Boy!"  
  
"Oh, crap, Harry, you're right!" Ron said, wide eyed. "Man, I miss Mom!" he said to no one in particular. "Our first day at school, too! Damn, when Mom hears about this, I'll have, like five Howlers! Damn damn damn! Crap," he said as he looked for his shoes. He had been getting dressed as he spoke. "I am so dead!"  
  
Harry, who was dressed, said, "I can't believe we overslept! I knew your mom should have stayed!" Ron found his shoes and pulled them on. "But, no, I said, she needed a vacation! I mean, she does, but she told us we wouldn't get up! I wonder if she jinxed us..." he trailed off.  
  
"Naw, Mom wouldn't do that to us!" Ron insisted, as he looked for a clean shirt. "Damn, I knew I should've packed last night..."  
  
"Ron, by jinx," he told Ron, helping him in the fruitless search for a clean shirt, "I mean the Muggle way!"  
  
"Well why didn't you say so?" he asked Harry. "AHA!" he shouted, pulling on a yellow shirt. Then he started piling all his stuff into his trunk. "I wish Hermione hadn't stayed with her parents!"  
  
"Ron, she was scared for them! They're defenseless Muggles, for God's sake!"  
  
"Scared of what? You-know-oh all right, Voldemort is gone! You killed him!"  
  
"Duh, Ron. Like I don't know that?"  
  
"Oh, right, sorry!" Ron laughed apologetically.  
  
"They're scared of the Death Eaters still at large! Come on Ron," Harry said as they dashed out the door with Ron's now-packed trunk. "How thick can you be? Good thing I already put my trunk in the car!" he said as they heaved Ron's trunk into the trunk. They jumped in the car and drove off.  
  
"Uh, Harry? Where are we going?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A girl named Hermione Granger paced the train, worried. "Where on Earth can they be?" she said aloud.  
  
"I don't know," a nearby voice drawled.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was obvious. Painfully obvious that Granger, smartest student in school, Head Girl, one of Dumbledore's 'elite,' had finally lost it. Talking to herself, pacing the train, it all pointed to one thing. Draco knew it well, his father acted like this all the time, at home. For some inexplicable reason, Lucius Malfoy was in perfect control in public.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore paced his office. The report he had just received from his new Head Girl was very disturbing. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley had not gotten on the train that morning. ~What if something had happened to them?~ Molly would kill him! Just then, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore saw a bowl of petunias drop outside his office window.  
  
~Very strange.~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A bowl of petunias popped into existence above Hogwarts. As it fell, it thought, 'Oh no not again'  
  
Many (non-existent) people thought that, if only we knew why bowls of petunias pop into existence above schools of Witchcraft and Wizardry, we'd know why little Brian Zeogul was abused by the pack of Diricawls who raised him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Mwah ha ha, isn't it great? The sad thing is, there will be more chapters and a wanna-be plot! But was it sufficiently crazy? I rather like it and I had fun writing it! Well, please review so you can tell me how nuts I am. I AM NOT A NUT I AM A CASHEW!!!!!  
  
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot! I do not own any of the characters. I do not own Harry Potter, because I'm not smart enough to get things published. I don't own the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy, not one of the five books in it. I'm not sure if I own the plot, or the lack thereof. I don't own any of the strange things I am about to say, either.  
  
Review me, flame me, I don't care, Just be HONEST!!! And Lo, the Magic Eight ball hath spake! Great shades of Elvis! Blue Wizard must DIE! I'm Hen-er-ry the eighth, I am! Good evening, gentlemen, all your base are belong to us! WHAT YOU SAY?!?!? Mwah ha ha! MWAH HA HA, I TELL YOU! 


	2. Coincidence Two: A Bowl of Petunias

A/n: Okay, here is the next chapter of A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot! I haven't gotten any reviews yet, BUT my friend Sophie was SUPPOSED to read it and review it...*glares at Sophie* Well, all my friends like the idea, but unfortunately I (don't have any friends[SHUT UP!])still don't have a plot in my head...Ideas ARE useful! Review, be honest, if it's crap, tell me! I don't really care, but I WANT TO KNOW!!! Okay, time to continue with this random collection of freaky things!  
  
Oops, disclaimer, huh? Um, I don't own any of Harry Potter. If I did, would I wear clothes from the Goodwill? Um, bad example, because their stuff is TRIPPY! I mean, it just r-o-x ROX! Ummm...  
  
Luna Lovegood looked out a window to see a Diricawl and a boy sitting on top of a tree. The Diricawl seemed to be smacking the boy.  
  
~I do hope he's okay,~ she thought as she went back to her Quibbler.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Um, good question," Harry said to Ron as he pulled over to the side of the road.  
  
"And," Ron added, "Since when do you know how to drive?"  
  
"Another good question," Harry replied, "that I do not know the answer to."  
  
"Fabulous," Ron said dryly.  
  
"Let's call for directions," Harry said.  
  
"Yeah, sure. We'll just call the Muggles up on our portable fellytone and ask them for directions to a Wizarding school somewhere in Scotland. Hopefully. It might be in Britain. We don't know."  
  
"Jeez, thanks, Hermione, I really needed that. Any way, I MEANT that I could send Hedwig, you KNOW that I'm used to living with Muggles."  
  
"Oh, yeah..."  
  
"Ron?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You're an idiot."  
  
"Well, thanks, Hermione. Just the boost of confidence I needed."  
  
(A/N: In case you can't tell, there's a lot of sarcasm here. They're 17 for Pete's sake!)  
  
"Well," Harry said in a high-pitched voice, "you're quite welcome."  
  
They both burst out laughing.  
  
"But I really do think we need to solve this problem," Harry said after he stopped laughing.  
  
Ron sighed. "Yeah..." ~I wonder what Hermione is doing right now...~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What are YOU doing here?" Hermione demanded of Malfoy.  
  
"Being completely creeped out by the crazy Mudblood girl talking to herself," he drawled in response.  
  
~Hmm, good point.~  
  
"Besides," he continued, "I have as much right to be out here as you do."  
  
"Well, jerkwad, oops, I mean Malfoy, not really. You see, you are but a prefect, and I am Head Girl. This means I can order you away. Whoops, I just did. Buh-bye."  
  
"What if I don't want to go, Mudblood?"  
  
"Hmm, first, a detention for using the same insult on me twice in one conversation, which, frankly, is enough to last me all year. Second, you don't leave, I'll tell Dumbledore. Which would mean, no more prefect duties for you. Now beat it."  
  
"Hmph," Malfoy 'hmph'-ed as he walked away, faintly pink.  
  
~YES!! Score one for me!~ Hermione thought as she did a victory dance, getting slightly out of character.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
~How INSULTING! Honestly, she gets worse every day! Still, she was pretty cute as she told me off...~ Malfoy thought as he walked down the train to his compartment.  
  
All the way back, he fantasized about killing Weasly so he could have Hermione and make out with her.  
  
"Very disturbing," I said as I read what I just wrote. "Besides, I could never kill any of the Weaslys, I love them too much!  
  
Ahem.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore pondered what he had just seen.  
  
~Now why would a bowl of petunias fall past my window?~  
  
He looked out the window again, just in time to see a bowl of Petunias fall past his window.  
  
~Where DID they get a bowl that big? And why is a bowl full of a Muggle falling past my window? Aah, the mysteries of life...~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Brian Zeogul sat on top of a tree, watching a scarlet train go by. Just then, one of the Diricawls from his pack showed up and started hitting and berating him for no reason. He sighed.  
  
~Buh-duh?~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/n: You likie? It doesn't matter if you don't, because I will continue writing it. But input is helpful, because I still do not have a plot in my head...SOPHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grr...  
  
And Lo, the Magic Eight ball hath spake! Great shades of Elvis! Blue Wizard must DIE! I'm Hen-er-ry the eighth, I am! There are three really important things in life: Gold, platinum, and ketchup. But don't forget the duct tape! Rebel sheep say 'Moo!' Good evening, gentlemen, all your base are belong to us! WHAT YOU SAY?!?!? Mwah ha ha! MWAH HA HA, I TELL YOU! And Lo, the prophecy hath been fulfilled! 


	3. Coincidence Three: Sophie Syndrome

The Third Coincidence  
  
Disclaimer: Look, I didn't nearly forget it this time! *fanfare* Yeah, so, I'll have to thank my reviewers, just as soon as I check my e-mail. *audience member: LAZY BUM!!!!!!* Umm, when did I get an audience? Wait, isn't this the disclaimer? Umm, yeah, so I own nothing in this story, except for the so-called plot, and I think portions of that belong to this dude, and he has, like, a name, but, I ,like, don't know what it is...maybe it's Bob...  
  
AHEM!  
  
Oh, yeah, random, not-so-mangled nonsense! Yeah, so thank you's will be at the end of this coincidence.  
  
Ummm...what did I forget...? I don't know...  
  
Yeah, so, here we go:  
  
*charges heroically into a wall*  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot  
  
The Third Coincidence  
  
By: Queen of Zan aka Crazy girl who wanders the halls (heh, hi, Cajun Rogue)  
  
Hermione Granger was feeling very chipper. She had successfully gotten rid of Malfoy without Ron, Harry, or violence. She was congratulating herself, walking down the hall, when Blaise Zabini came up to her and asked her, "Um, Ms. Head Girl? Am I a girl or a boy?"  
  
Hermione looked very scared. She was sincerely freaked out, even more so because she couldn't tell. "Umm..." she said, stalling for time. "Why don't you ask Luna Lovegood? She'll know," Hermione said, trying to look reassuring.  
  
"Oh, all right," Blaise said, "Where is she?"  
  
"Oh, somewhere down that way," Hermione said, vaguely waving her hand toward the end of the train. "You'll know her when you see her."  
  
"Oh, all right," Blaise said, wandering off that way.  
  
~That has GOT to be the most interesting encounter I've had with a Slytherin,~ Hermione thought to herself, returning to her pacing of the halls.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Luna Lovegood sat in her compartment, alone, reading the Quibbler, when a knock came at the door.  
  
"Entrée!" she called.  
  
"Oh, er, hi, Luna," Blaise Zabini began. "Um, I have a question."  
  
"Oh, go ahead, shoot."  
  
"Er," Blaise said nervously, "Could you tell me if I'm a girl or a boy?"  
  
"Oh, sure," Luna said seriously. "Come here," she commanded.  
  
Blaise approached her nervously. Luna looked Blaise over carefully. "Hmm..." she muttered.  
  
All of a sudden, Luna grabbed Blaise, and kissed her/him.  
  
"Definitely a boy," Luna announced, releasing Blaise, sitting down, and picking up her Quibbler.  
  
"Thanks, Luna," Blaise said quickly before rushing out of the compartment.  
  
~Crazy dude,~ Luna thought, shaking her head and turning her Quibbler upside-down.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore sat in his office, playing with Silly Putty. "Nice day," he said aloud.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Harry," Ron suddenly announced, "I love you."  
  
Harry gasped. It was the dreaded Sophie Syndrome! There was no known cure, and it had to run its course.  
  
"?" Harry said.  
  
"No, '!'" Ron insisted.  
  
"I like to say '?'!"  
  
"I love you, Harry!" Ron said.  
  
There was an awkward silence.  
  
"Um, I think you mean 'Hermione', Ron."  
  
"WHAAAAAT?!?!?!?!" Ron bellowed.  
  
Harry cracked up. He thought this whole thing was infinitely funny to Harry. Except for the Sophie Syndrome. He wasn't fond of that. Not one bit.  
  
"Fine," Ron said, "But I love you."  
  
Harry started to scream. Ron cracked up.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Professor Severus Snape waited impatiently for the next bowl of petunias to arrive. "Those bloody Diricawls need to abuse Brian Zeogul more!" he burst out angrily.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Brian Zeogul was asleep. He snores rather loudly.  
  
(A/N: Well, was that funny enough? I'm rather drowsy, so I kind of avoided the "plot" this coincidence. Yeah, I'm gonna go check my e-mail for the thank you section...  
  
Ahh, yes!  
  
Ahem, a thank you goes to the following:  
  
Sophie: Why would I put the Zelda fanfic up because of you...? You scare me sometimes. Hey *evil glint in eye* did you like "Sophie Syndrome? *evil grim—er, GRIN*  
  
Bearer of Bad News: How do you know my name? Actually, I wouldn't mind killing people needlessly...Say, Gilderoy Lockhart, perhaps? And thank you, yes, I do rock. (LIAR!) Shut UP, you!  
  
Cajun Rogue: Yeah, maybe I should rethink the stalker thing...I mean, look at Bearer of Bad News! Lol And that's not right, you should ALWAYS have cheesecake! What kind of sick place do you live in?! And don't you just love chaos?  
  
Fanfic Authors' Fanfic Author: If you lick, um, I mean look REAL close, you can see a very very faint plot buried deep beneath the nonsense. And, again, I love your mangled fanfic. It's the best! Oh, and for you demented people who like me, checking out Fanfic Authors' Fanfic Author's mangled Harry Potter fic would bring you great amusement. And if you don't, oh freakin' well! It's YOUR problem, moron! Ahem. Just kidding, I hope! Again, thanx for reviewing.  
  
Insane Idiot: Um, I don't really think you are going to understand it, but you can try. *speaks to audience* Stand back, folks, there's going to be an explosion shortly. Wait, I have an audience?!?!  
  
Oh, yeah, Sophie, it IS your fault the search engine was down!  
  
Umm, again, I'm an idiot, so can somebody please tell me how to get my italics and bolds and junk to show up on FF.net? I use Word, if that helps.  
  
So, yeah, next chappie up soon, hopefully. I'm trying to update weekly...  
  
Again, REVIEW!! I'm so pathetic I would even be happy to get a flame! That's right, I'm giving you permission to flame me if you think it's crap!!  
  
Well, TTFN! Try not to burn down anyone's house, 'kay? 'Specially not yours, 'cause then where would you sleep?  
  
Oh, I don't own Silly Putty as a whole, either, but I've got some in my room... 


	4. Coincidence Four: BZ Special

A Series of Coincidences that Just Happen to Look Like a Plot  
  
Coincidence Four  
  
A/N: Yay, another chapter! This is about the subplot...I'm sure Sophie will like this, 'cause it's a...  
  
Bum bum bum  
  
*Fanfare*  
  
SPECIAL ON BRIAN ZEOGUL!!!!!!!!  
  
...  
  
...  
  
what, no applause?  
  
...  
  
You, know, you guys suck, okay? Yeah, you do.  
  
...  
  
You guys have a really short attention span, don't cha?  
  
...  
  
AARGH!!!  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
BRIAN ZEOGUL  
  
Raised by a pack of Diricawls who abused him, there is a strange link between him and bowls of petunias that suddenly pop into existence over schools of Witchcraft and Wizardry. As Diricawls share the ability to disappear with the phoenix, Brian learned to Apparate at a very early age. About two years of age, actually.  
  
Muggles were correct in calling the Diricawls "Dodos", for they are intensely stupid. Having grown up with them, all of Brian's human intelligence was sapped. Now all poor Brian Zeogul can do is feel immensely simple emotions, Apparate, and say "Buh-duh" several times a minute.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Oddly enough, a man of the name Catoo-ga-noch-ink-a-la-flat*raspberry* studied the existence of bowls petunias. He is, in fact, how we know about poor Brian Zeogul, who was raised and abused by a tribe of Diricawls. He has something to do with the existence of random bowls of petunias that fall from the sky above schools of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The thoughts of the bowls are none of his business, nor yours either. That matter is strictly between them and Professor Severus Snape. I shouldn'ta said that...  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
(A/N: Yeah, so I put that in 'cause I didn't want to advance the plot...That and I'm lazy! ^ . ^  
  
Yes, so, I got no reviewers last chapter because this and chapter three were posted at the same time. Thanks to my lazy, good-for-nothing, beta bitch, Sophie.  
  
Um, just so you know, Peeves is going to be VERY "funny" in this fic, because, um, I want him to be. So there! Yeah, ummm...  
  
So, there you have it, straight from the horse's mouth! (audience snickers)  
  
IT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH!  
  
Grr... 


	5. Coincidence Five: Sophie Syndrome Again

A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot  
  
Coincidence Five: Sophie Syndrome  
  
Disclaimer: If you are reading this (which you're not), I don't own anything except the so-called "plot." Which, incidentally, died ages ago. But I plan to resurrect it soon. Promise.  
  
A/N: I'm avoiding the "plot" like the plague recently. Ka-no why? It's because I'm typing this on the wrong computer, so I can't access the "plot." I think I might be able to next week, unless my teachers continue to not give me any homework. Woohoo! Anyway, I thought people who aren't Sophie might like to be able to know more about the "Sophie Syndrome" that recently infected Ron, so here it is. Ta-da!  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot (if only very faintly if you use your imagination)  
  
by: Queen of Zan aka Crazy girl who wanders the halls  
  
Coincidence Five: Sophie Syndrome  
  
Sophie Syndrome was discovered by a twelve-year-old American girl named Annie Cosper, when her best friend Sophie Jonas started repeating one thing. Especially during arguments.  
  
That one thing was "I love you."  
  
That's right. The most dangerous and most feared phrase in the Universe. Especially by guys. No one knows why. Hey, that rhymed.  
  
Anyway, not long after, it spread to Annie and Sophie's mutual friend, Monica. She would tell random people in the halls "I love you" and ask them "Are you my mommy?" Even if they were male.  
  
Soon, Annie would receive emails saying simply "I love you." It was like being stalked, like how Monica was stalking a really hot guy at their school, Lukas Kovac.  
  
Then, it spread to Monica's friend, Kevin Duer. Someone teased him, so he got up and said, "Give me a hug." Then he got up and chased him around the art room.  
  
Eventually, Monica stopped and went back to calling her friends "slut" and "whore." Monica was back to normal.  
  
But Sophie and Kevin weren't.  
  
Then, Sophie and Annie got into a really bad argument. Sophie made Annie even madder when she tried to solve the problem by saying, "I love you, Annie."  
  
Annie decided to write a paper on Sophie's problem, for Annie was abnormally intelligent for her age.  
  
So, Annie started keeping records of what Sophie said, when she said it, and what people said or did to cause it. What Sophie ate, when she got up, everything and anything that might help her.  
  
After four months of this, Annie thought she had enough to write a conclusive paper. It took her another month to write the paper, but when she did, it was a very good paper.  
  
She sent it into numerous scientific magazines, newspapers, and colleges. It was published seven out of the twenty six times she sent it in. It was very impressive, and caused her fame that is known in all the sci-fi circles, insane asylums, and in the houses of psychiatrists all around the world.  
  
It was discovered that there is no cure, no way to prevent it, and a large amount of chocolate makes it worse. Moreover, it is highly contagious and must run its course.  
  
Well, this news didn't go over well with Annie and Michelle, Sophie's two best friends. So they hatched a plan to get Sophie terribly depressed about love and hate mention of it.  
  
They set Sophie up with the guy Monica was now stalking, Jordan Catalano. He was very cute, very nice, very crazy, perfect for her. Sophie fell in love with him, but Jordan had fallen in love with Sophie's sister Nora. Jordan broke up with Sophie for Nora, but, amazingly, Sophie was okay. She was sad for maybe a day, then went after Nora's old boyfriend, the guy Monica had originally stalked, Lukas Kovac.  
  
Sophie's Sophie Syndrome never completely went away. It in fact got worse when she married. Annie got in a car crash when she was 17 while laughing hysterically at the conversation she was having with herself.  
  
Michelle got fed up with Sophie and purposely overdosed on cherry Freezies.  
  
Sophie, meanwhile, continues to say "I love you" to random passing strangers on the street. Alex, her husband, doesn't mind. He thinks it's funny.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
A/N: Don't you love me? He he he. I like this chapter much. Well, review, please.  
  
Thank You's:  
  
Insane Idiot: RUN!!! Ahem. You are completely correct. None of this exists. Go eat cheesecake.  
  
Cajun Rogue: I could never get tired of you, your subconscious likes cheesecake! You could go on strike from my fanfics. That would help you, I bet. Also, I hope I explained the lack of plot satisfactorily.  
  
Fanfic Authors' Fanfic Author: I reviewed because I am insane, duh! Also, "Rebel Sheep Say Moo" is one of the best, most pointless fics in existence. I simply like to quote it. And SURE you meant cows, I BELIEVE you SO much! Also, I didn't expect any Douglas Adams fans to read this...trippy! And yes, you're right, we do need psychiatrist, but it is a pity there aren't any competent ones. Mmyep...  
  
Me! who else COULD it be?: It's your own fault crazy chick bit you—I mean Vanessa bit you. Heh. And it is PAINFULLY obvious that you are not the sharpest tool in the crayon box. I personally am amazed that you could spell crayon correctly...I expect Veronica and crazy chick helped you?  
  
Oh, and Sophie, STOP REVIEWING MY STORIES REPEATEDLY!!!!!  
  
Ahem.  
  
Well, I'm done. And Lo, the Prophecy hath been fulfilled! 


	6. Coinkydink Six: Revival of the Plot!

Disclaimer: If I owned this stuff, would I be writing this completely annoying and boring disclaimer? I don't THINK so. Note the "think." Something I frequently neglect to do.  
  
A/N: Well, this is up a little earlier than it normally is, because I don't have school today! Parent-teacher conferences, you know. And because I'm such a good kid, all my teachers had nothing to say! Although my Art teacher kind of lectured my mom... But, I got a day off, so I'm happy! As a result, I got up before noon and am now typing this! YAY! Okay, so, yeah, I can finally access the "plot"! YAY! I went through and read the whole story, so now I have a pretty good idea of...nothing. *sigh* So, if you have any ideas, please tell me through a review or e-mail. I'm going to try to make the chapters longer...  
  
A/N 2: Yeah, that's about 2 weeks old now...I'm very lazy. But it was SO fun, to sit around and do absolutely nothing! Anyway, I know I haven't updated, please don't kill me! Anyway, I'm trying to get this up, but you know how distractions are...Oh, yeah, this chapter will be longer than any and all previous chapters! A promise!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot (if you look real close and use your imagination)  
  
by: Queen of Zan aka Crazy girl who wanders the halls  
  
Coincidence Six  
  
Blaise Zabini skipped away from Loony Lovegood's compartment, feeling a very rare emotion for a Slytherin, glee.  
  
~Oh, wow! Not only do I know that I'm a boy, I kissed a girl! And a cute girl, at that...Wait! Since when has Loony Lovegood been cute? Let me answer that: never! Ack! If I had known it was this annoying to have an obvious gender, I wouldn't have tried!~ As anyone with a brain can tell, Blaise Zabini is really screwed up.  
  
~I hope that I didn't accidentally eat a Magical Pineapple again...Now THAT was hell...~  
  
Just then, Blaise realized (or realised) that he had left his copy of "A Guide to Magical Fruit" in Luna's compartment. "Oh, shit," he said as his eyes got VERY wide.  
  
"What 'Oh, shit'?" a very familiar voice said.  
  
Blaise rolled his eyes. One of the reasons he had been thought a girl, him rolling his eyes all the time. Blaise didn't even turn around to reply. "Bugger off, Draco."  
  
"Ooh, language, Blaise. Remember, I'm a prefect. You could get detention."  
  
"Not before school starts, moron," a different voice said. It was obviously a new person entering the conversation.  
  
Both Blaise and Draco whirled around only to see...(Doesn't the suspense just KILL you?) ...someone. But you ka-no that.  
  
Anyway, both Blaise and Draco whirled around, only to see...a Weasley. Only, he looked cool, not like any of those other Weasleys. He had long hair, tied back in a ponytail. He was tall, wearing rock-concert clothes and dragon hide boots. He had an earring dangling from one ear, with what looked like a fang on it.  
  
"What did you call me, Weasley?" Draco asked, his voice dangerously low, eyes flashing. Any girl passing by could not have denied that he looked HOT, because he did. So did Bill. Not Blaise so much, as he was in a Muggle dress with his hair cut short and spiky. He looked like a transvestite doing a REALLY bad job with their wardrobe.  
  
"Bill, call me Bill. Weasley sounds so...stuffy."  
  
Draco's eyes flicked upward. Blaise outright rolled his.  
  
"Fine, what did you call me, Bill?" Draco was highly annoyed about the interruption.  
  
"I called you a moron, you idiot. You need to go get your ears checked, ferret," Bill said calmly.  
  
Blaise couldn't help himself. This was just TOO funny. He started laughing. At this point, Draco started wondering how on earth anyone could mistake him for a girl with THAT laugh. It did NOT sound feminine at all.  
  
"Bill, didn't you graduate, like, 10 years ago?" Draco asked, with, for some inexplicable reason, a California valley girl accent.  
  
"Naw, it was 11 years ago," Bill replied.  
  
"Then, why are you here?" Draco asked him, temporarily changing his name to Daria.  
  
"Two words: Oompa Loompas."  
  
"But wouldn't Charlie be better for an Oompa Loompa infestation?" I mused, amazed at my stupidity.  
  
"Yes, it would, definitely," Luna Lovegood said, randomly appearing then disappearing again.  
  
"That's what I thought..." I said, nodding.  
  
"Eek!" Bill exclaimed as he disappeared.  
  
"That's better," Daria said, relieved that he could continue insulting Blaise.  
  
"No, you know, Draco, you weren't insulting me, I was kind of ignoring you," Blaise said in response to the previous line.  
  
"Yes I was!" Daria said, offended. "And it's Daria!"  
  
"Until further notice," I added.  
  
"You stay out of this!" Daria snapped at me.  
  
"Fine, fine," I said.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
~Damn!~ Daria thought, ~I really wish I hadn't gotten rid of the author!~ he thought as he floated through a gigantic blank void.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The boy called Harry Potter continued to scream.  
  
Ronald Weasley continued to laugh.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Luna Lovegood sat in her compartment, reading the Quibbler upside-down.  
  
~Hmm, I should probably change into my school robes soon. The sun is settting.~  
  
She sighed, put down the Quibbler, and stared out the window. ~Blaise really was a good kisser...I wonder if I could convince Padma to go out with him...but no, he's a Slytherin, she doesn't really like them, does she...~  
  
Luna Lovegood sat in her compartment, staring at the setting sun, thinking about random things, but mostly Blaise Zabini.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore sat at his desk, worrying about Harry James Potter and Ronald Bilius Weasley. They didn't get on the school train. For Pete's sake, Ron was Head Boy! What kind of example was this setting for the younger students?  
  
Suddenly, the bowls of petunias and Petunias' significance hit him. ~Severus is at it again! I thought I told him to stop!~ Dumbledore thought as he put down his Silly Putty and went out his door.  
  
He went down the staircase up to his office and passed the gargoyle. He went down to the Entrance Hall and out the front door.  
  
"Severus!" he shouted, dangerously loud. Which, for Dumbledore, was just above normal speaking level.  
  
Professor Severus Snape jumped about a foot from the ground when he heard his name being called by the Headmaster of Hogwarts.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
~Shit!~ Professor Severus Snape, who, to the fans' knowledge, has no middle name, jumped and stopped looking for bowls of petunias as he heard his name being called by the Headmaster of Hogwarts. He quickly glanced up. ~Shit!~ he thought again as he realized that Dumbledore's window was above his head. The petunias had fallen right past his window!  
  
"Severus!" Dumbledore called again, his eyes flashing dangerously.  
  
~Shit!~ Severus Snape thought again for the third time in five seconds as he realized that Dumbledore knew.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Wow," I said, reading what I have written so far. "Snape has a bit of a swearing problem...I wonder if I'll have to up the rating because of him...Oh, and I still need to do Hermione, Brian Zeogul, and that blue crayon I saw last week...Hmmm..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hermione Jane Granger was angry. The author had been in the story TWICE this chapter! She was turning it into a stupid self-insertion story! And not in the gross way she'd caught Crabbe reading, the corny kind!  
  
"Hey, now, I resent that."  
  
Hermione whirled around. She gasped.  
  
Standing there, was a young teenage girl with lightly pink and blonde hair. She was wearing purple glasses that accentuated and hid (all at the same time) her stormy gray-blue eyes, a baggy white T-shirt, and baggy black jeans held up with a zebra tie-thingy tied around her waist as a belt. She was wearing black, worn Sketchers running shoes on her feet.  
  
It was the author.  
  
"Hellooo? I know you heard me, you gasped and whirled around. Are you going to answer me? I don't like to be ignored."  
  
Hermione's eyes were wide, her mouth was open, and she was gaping like a codfish.  
  
"Jane, we are not a codfish," the author said sternly, then laughed. "You know, I've always wanted to say that. Well, come on, answer me, or I'll make you fall in love with Draco!"  
  
Hermione gasped. Her facial expression became that of revulsion. "You wouldn't! Please please, PLEASE don't do that! That would be SOO horrible! Don't, please don't, I'm begging you!"  
  
"All right, all right, I was—"  
  
"Oh, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you!"  
  
"Oh, all right then," the author said and promptly disappeared.  
  
"Boy, this story is just FULL of strange encounters, isn't it?" Hermione asked the air.  
  
"Yeah, it kind of is," Sophie said. Or rather, Sophie's voice said. Sophie was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Oh, bugger off," Hermione said, getting WAAAY out of character.  
  
"Fine, fine," Sophie's voice said.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Brian Zeogul was awoken by a loud voice shouting in his ear.  
  
"Buh-duh?" he asked meekly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Harry James Potter stopped screaming.  
  
Ronald Bilius Weasley slowly stopped laughing.  
  
Ron said suddenly, "Ooh, chocolate!"  
  
He had been digging through the glove compartment.  
  
"Oh, have it," Harry said, relieved that Ron hadn't told him he loved him.  
  
"Man, Harry," Ron said through a mouthful of chocolate, "I love you."  
  
Harry started to cry.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well? Was it good? Was it bad? Was it funny? Should I be put in an insane asylum? Feedback, feedback, feedback!  
  
Yeah, so, here are some acknowledgements:  
  
Mousiebead: OMG! Sophie, you got an account! Um, I guess that Veronica is me...I MEANT Victoria! Honest! I hate you. Really. Really, I do. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots.  
  
Cajun Rogue: Um, no, unfortunately, it's not made up. It came from "friend" Sophie *points up* up there. Although, the thing about chocolate, I made it up, but it kinda does make it worse...coffee too...especially expresso. It's actually kind of funny...But not when it happens to you. Also, I am glad you feel loved, that was the purpose! Yay! Oh, and I am sorry about the cheesecake, it's not my fault! (well, actually, it is, but no one has to know that...)  
  
Insane Idiot: I'm guessing that means you like it...? I hope so, because you are funny!  
  
tor-and-fenris: Oh, I'm not mad, I do that sometimes too, if it's really good. I'm glad you find it good and funny and disturbing. Definitely both. Go see a competent psychiatrist. Unfortunately, there is no such thing. But, either way, I love you. And yes, custard is good. Mm, Leon's chocolate custard...I'm hungry! Also, I absolutely love the Oompa-Loompas, definitely. Did you catch the mention of them in this chapter? Oh, wait, that was for An Enigma, For Sure...whoops. Oh, well, the concept is more valid here. Oh, wait, brainstorm! Ooh, that's good...  
  
If I missed anyone, I am SOOO sorry, but the Internet and email in my house are doing strange things...  
  
Also, I have a new fic up, Poor, Poor Snape. It's not as funny as this one, but it has a plot. (collective gasp) Hey, it's not THAT suprising...  
  
Also, I will soon have another one up, "A Guide to Magical Fruit." Ideas are welcomed for any and all of my fics, including "Fruit." And this one. Definitely this one, because the "plot" is on its last legs...  
  
Also, if you have any complaints, NO ONE GIVES A DAMN!!! Especially not me. No, I'm kidding, I love you guys, don't abandon me!  
  
*cries*  
  
I didn't mean it!  
  
You're still here?  
  
YAY!!  
  
Yeah, well, also, I am sorry that I haven't been updating, but I'm going through a rough patch...it's called laziness.  
  
Also, I updated my bio, miracle of miracles! Check it out sometime!  
  
Wow, this is really long for a coincidence...seven pages...Ya ka-no, it took me TWO AND A HALF HOURS to write this! Please admire my good work!  
  
I love you, rebel sheep say 'Moo!', and Lo, the Magic Eight Ball hath spake!  
  
TTFN! 


	7. Coinkydink Seven: Lots of Useless Junk

Disclaimer: If you're reading this, you need mental help. As anyone with half a brain can tell, I am not J. K. Rowling. If you think I am, go get help. Please, save the world the agony of having another criminally insane person. Though, if you want to put your insanity to good use, run for government.  
  
A/N: Hi! Welcome to another installment of A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot! Try saying THAT five times fast! Anyway. You came here to read the insane antics of Harry Potter characters, not the author, so, I guess, on with the show.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot (if you use a powerful microscope, squint, and look at it from a 60 degree north angle)  
  
by: Queen of Zan aka Crazy girl who wanders the halls  
  
Coincidence Seven  
  
The blue crayon sat in the drawer. It was mighty boring, being a crayon at Hogwarts in the library. No one used you. You just sat until some idiotic Slytherin came along and ate you. And, even worse, none of the other blue crayons had an awareness. Very boring, being a crayon with no one to talk to. It almost wished it had someone to just absolutely loathe him, for no reason at all. After all, it'd give him something to do.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
KNOCK KNOCK!  
  
Sirius Black rolled over on his couch. He was very tired. Being dead did that to you. Of course, I don't have personal experience in that area, but still.  
  
BANG BANG!  
  
The knocking on his door got louder. Sirius groaned and got up. His black robes were very wrinkled. After all, he'd been wearing them for more than a year. Being dead did that to you.  
  
Sirius Black walked over to his door and opened it. "Yes?" he asked sleepily.  
  
"Sirius Black? Sirius Orion Black?"  
  
"Er, yeah," Sirius murmured, groggy. Being dead can do that to you.  
  
"You are a cad. An absolutely horrible person, you know that? A foul, disgusting person."  
  
"Whatever. Can I go back to sleep now? It's only one 'o' clock. I normally don't get up 'til six, so I can eat dinner."  
  
"Yes, go ahead. I just needed to tell you that."  
  
Sirius Orion Black closed his front door. "I hate door-to-door salesmen," he muttered, collapsing onto his couch.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Harry Potter was crying. "Why did it get worse?" he asked the sky.  
  
"I dunno," Ronald Weasley responded. "Chocolate?" he said, offering some to Harry.  
  
"Sure," Harry said absently, accepting.  
  
Suddenly, he gasped. "Chocolate! That's it! Ron, give me that!" he said, snatching it away.  
  
"Geez, Harry, if you had wanted some more, all you had to do was ask," Ron told him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Blaise Zabini floated through a gigantic void. "Nice going, Draco."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Draco Malfoy floated through a gigantic void. From far off, he seemed to hear, "Nice going, Draco."  
  
Draco sighed. He was not having a good day.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hermione Jane Granger was pacing the train. She glanced out a window, then resumed her pacing.  
  
All of a sudden, she stopped short. "Wait a second!" she exclaimed, and whirled around. Yes, out of the window on her right, the sun was setting. She ran back down the train. Out of the window on her left, the sun was high. She checked her watch. It read two 'o' clock.  
  
"What the—" she said, but was interrupted as a something hit her over the head.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Severus!" Albus Percival Wulfric Brain Dumbledore called warningly, once more. He couldn't believe that Severus would go against his word.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Severus Snape was in a rather dire situation. He had gone against his word, been discovered, and he hadn't even gotten his reward. He was having a rather crappy day.  
  
"Wait a second!" Dumbledore said. "What's that?" he said, pointing. Then he gasped. "Severus, you could have at least told Madam Pomfrey."  
  
"Yes, but no one cares about Muggles who drop out of the sky," Snape said, exasperated.  
  
"Maybe," Dumbledore said, "but she is one of Harry's only protection against Voldemort. Technically, she's his only adult blood relative."  
  
"Yes, but no one cares about Potter. At least, I don't."  
  
Dumbledore sighed. "Yes, but if Harry dies, the world is doomed."  
  
"Good point."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Buh-duh?" Brian Zeogul asked again.  
  
"What the heck is wrong with you, boy?" a loud voice said to him.  
  
"Buh-duh?" BZ asked again.  
  
The loud voice coming from the darkness (it was very dark in the rainforest where Brian Zeogul lived) sighed. "I give up," it said.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well? Good? Bad? Funny? Am I nuts? I AM NOT A NUT I AM A CASHEW! ...which, coincidentally, is not a nut. It has no shell. I'm just a fountain of useless information, huh?  
  
Anyway. Just so you know, I write this fanfic without a rough draft, so most of this stuff is completely random and spur of the moment. And, miracle of miracles, the plot seems to be picking up.  
  
So. Who likes coffee? IlikecoffeecoffeeisgooditgivesyouenergyandwakesyouupandIloveit.  
  
Heh. I really did want to say that. It's funny.  
  
Oh, if you've never read Cassandra Claire's Draco Trilogy, you should. I was finally convinced by my "friend" Sophie's sister, Nora, to read it, it really is great.  
  
Acknowledgements and/or Thank You's:  
  
Goddessgaia: Thank you! It was meant to be funny. Like I said in chapter 1, I was bored, so I started typing random things. And now look where it is!  
  
Queen of Zan: Thank you for the feedback, there was a large lack of that this chapter, but then again, FF.net has been all, like, screwy and junk this week. And you're welcome for the extra effort. I love you too.  
  
Cajun Rogue: Of course it made sense, everything makes sense when you're just barely not criminally insane. And thank you so much! And I really would miss you if you stopped reviewing, so please keep on!  
  
tor-and-fenris: Yeah, Snape having a swearing problem is kinda distubing, but very effective! I dunno why...it just is. Oh, and, I mention all of my reviewers. But then, I have so few...it's not that difficult...But that doesn't mean I love you any less! Yay custard!  
  
Sophie: Why are you not Mousiebead there, and why are you reviewing of chapter 5? I'm so confused. But, no, I was just kidding, review my stories all you want, it makes them look better. Repeat reviewers, UNITE!!  
  
Mousiebead: Now, if I'm in love with a guy, do you REALLY think I'm gay? By the way, IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots.  
  
So.  
  
"That's magic. What you've got is heartbreak. Magic won't fix that." ...Yeah, I know, but I wish it could. *sigh* 


	8. Coinkydink Eight: MORE useless junk!

Disclaimer: I'm poor. Do you really think I've ever written and published ANY books?  
  
Author's Note: Nothing to say. Sorry for the lack of updating, but I'm posting two more chapters tomorrow, so stop complaining.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot (finally!)  
  
by: Queen of Zan  
  
Coinkydink Eight (wow, for something with no plot, this is amazingly long)  
  
Hermione Jane Granger awoke with a headache. After all, she had been knocked out for two days.  
  
"WHAT?!?" she shouted in response to the above line.  
  
She checked her watch. 2:45.  
  
"What the—?" she said, but, once again, was interrupted.  
  
"Dang!" a loud, somehow unfamiliar voice said. "She wasn't supposed to wake up for another two days!"  
  
"And how do you figure that?" Hermione said, rubbing her head as she got up. She turned around and was faced by—someone completely unremarkable.  
  
The someone completely unremarkable was a teenage girl with chin-length, wavy, dark brown hair, wearing a tropical print blue and white tube top under a long sleeved black button-up blouse, a worn pair of jeans, and black boots. Coincidentally, she was wearing mismatched cartoon character socks under those boots, but you couldn't see them. I just wanted to waste time describing stuff so that this chapter seems longer.  
  
"Because it said so a few lines back. Or something like it," the someone completely unremarkable replied.  
  
"Wait—how did you get on the train? I didn't see you on the platform," Hermione asked, rightfully suspicious.  
  
"The author magicked me here," the completely unremarkable someone responded.  
  
"But why did you knock me out?" Hermione asked.  
  
"I didn't. The author did."  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Suspense. Besides, it helps create the illusion of a plot."  
  
"Oh."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Ron!" Harry shouted into Ron's ear.  
  
"What?" Ron replied, bewildered.  
  
"I dunno, Sophie writing."  
  
"Wait a second," I said. "Sophie isn't writing this, I am! And that line is in one of HER fics! Sophie has corrupted my mind!"  
  
"Er—" Ron and Harry both said.  
  
"Okay," I continued, "Harry, read the lines as written. Action!"  
  
"Um," Harry said, brow knotted (or knitted. I can't decide which.), "Miss Author Person, this isn't a movie. Or TV show. Or music video. There aren't any cameras for miles around."  
  
"Whoops. Um, still, read the line as written. That was NOT what you were supposed to say. In fact, YOU don't even say it in Sophie's fic."  
  
"Whatever," Harry said, exasperated. "Can we please get back to our crisis?"  
  
"Wha? OH! Sure, go ahead," I said, disappearing in a puff of smoke.  
  
"Ron, I—crap, I forgot what I was going to say," Harry said.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Draco floated through a gigantic void.  
  
"I have the strangest feeling of deja vu," he commented.  
  
Suddenly, he realized that he was thoroughly sick of the gigantic void.  
  
"Hey!" he shouted. "Hey!" More demandingly this time. "Miss Author Person, Muggle, get your ass over here and talk to me!"  
  
"Tut-tut, Draco, language," I said, poofing into existence in front of him, upside down. Or so he thought. In reality, it was him who was upside down, but he didn't need to know that.  
  
"Shut up! Just—" He suddenly realized that if he wasn't polite to me, I just might keep him in that void. And I would've! I think. Maybe. Well, no, I wouldn't've, but he thought I would, so, he got all nice. In truth, he was scary when he was nice. He sighed. "Miss Author Person—"  
  
"Call me Zany," I interrupted him.  
  
He rolled his eyes. "Zany, could you please get re-involved in this? I really am not fond of this void."  
  
"Neither am I. In fact, I think I'll leave."  
  
"WAIT!" Draco called, but alas, to no avail. I was already gone.  
  
"Fuck."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Blaise Zabini floated through a gigantic void.  
  
"I have the strangest feeling of deja vu," he commented.  
  
"So do we!" several readers chorused from the audience.  
  
"Shut up!" Blaise shouted. They did so.  
  
Suddenly, he realized that he was thoroughly sick of the gigantic void. Actually, he had known it all along, but it's more fun to say it as if he hadn't, it creates a sense of familiarity.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Brian Zeogul decided that the voice was scary. "Buh-duh!" he screamed. But no one came.  
  
"Oh, shut up boy, I'm trying to think," the voice said, lighting a cigar.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: So. That's it. I know I didn't do much plot advancement, but for Pete's sake, people, I'm doing two more chapters tomorrow! Cut me some slack!  
  
Thank you's:  
  
Cajun Rogue: I really am sorry about the cheesecake. And I just made a really embarrassing mistake...Hey, that rhymed!  
  
Calico-tabby: Yay! Id-gits of the world, UNITE!!!  
  
tor-and-fenris: Yay! JIM-MY! JIM-MY! ...Oops...I mean, YAY, CUSTARD!  
  
So, bye! See you, uh, tomorrow then! (JIM-MY! JIM-MY! JIM-MY!) 


	9. Coinkydink Nine: Mmm, Fudgy

Disclaimer: Yeah, did anyone tell you? J. K. auctioned off the Harry Potter characters. I bought Snape, Lucius, Draco, and Luna Lovegood. I bought Luna just for kicks, but the first three, I got for--er, their, um...literary value! Yeah, that's it! Literary value!  
  
And, in other news, I'm a pathological liar! That, also, is a lie.  
  
A/N: Look, I kept a promise! Now I can go three months without updating! ...but I'm kidding, of course! Don't hurt me! Also, I realize that I'm not updating my other stories, but I have writer's block, so sue me. Only don't, don't you see that FABULOUS disclaimer up there? Of COURSE you do! Don't you see my SPAZZY capitalisation?  
  
Moving on. You probably want to read the "story" now, so I'll shut up.  
  
...for now! *evil cackle*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot (at last!) (took me long enough!)  
  
By: That Crazy Chick That You Just Absolutely LOVE  
  
(Also Known As Queen of Zan)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Luna Lovegood yawned. No-one ever sat next to her on the train. She didn't know why, or indeed even care, but it did get a bit boring.  
  
She had already read the whole issue of The Quibbler for this month. September always was a small issue.  
  
KNOCK KNOCK  
  
She turned calmly towards the door, not at all disturbed by the incredibly LOUD (note the perfectly placed capital word, to emphasise my point, namely the one on top of my head) knocking disturbing the quiet in her compartment.  
  
"Come in!" she called.  
  
The door opened to reveal...um...hang on, let me check my script...hmm...well THAT didn't help...what about my Writer's Guide book thingy...no, that doesn't work either...hmm...oh, wait, I know! Hehe, this should be good...  
  
The door slid open to reveal Cornelius Fudge! A bungler if I ever saw one, I says, I says. He was in his pinstriped trousers, a black shirt, and conspicuously missing his lime-green bowling hat. Must have been at the alley. Ha ha, I'm so funny!  
  
Luna blinked. "Minister, sir, why are you here? You surely aren't a student, and if you needed to see Dumbledore, you could Floo of fly or Apparate, couldn't you?" she asked the stupidest man in the wizarding world. Well, I'm exaggerating, but who cares? He's in government! No-one likes the government! ...Except Jimmy. Because Jimmy is the best! *hands out buttons* Have a nice day! Vote Jimmy!  
  
"Truth be told, I don't really know why I'm here. In fact, I'm not even funny. I have no place in a humour fic. Here I was, minding my own buisness, sitting in my office, playing with a Slinky, and poof! Here I am. So I knocked on your compartment door, blatantly ignoring the Head Girl thirty feet away, and here I am." Oh yawn. Cornelius is such a bore. And I'm the one writing him! Why on Earth would I keep him in character? Sometimes I just don't get me...  
  
"Well Minister, I think you should go talk to the conductor, have him let you off the train, and Apparate back to your office," Loony said sensibly.  
  
"Hmm, smart girl, smart girl," Fudge said, turning around and walking out, closing the door behind him.  
  
"He's all sixes and sevens, I'd say," Loony said, picking up her edition of the Quibbler and turning it resolutely upside down. She fiddled with her necklace of Butterbeer caps as we fade to the next scene.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Ron!" Harry shouted into Ron's ear, once again. I do hope he remebered what he was going to say.  
  
"What?" Ron answered, slightly irritating. They had been doing this for 10 minutes, and Harry still hadn't remembered what he was going to say. Goodness, Harry's almost as spazzy as I am in this fic...  
  
"It's the chocolate! It makes your Sophie Syndrome worse!" Harry said. Finally.  
  
"Oh!" Ron said. "What's Sophie Syndrome?"  
  
Harry looked to the side, at the non-existent camera, an annoyed expression on his face.  
  
He looked back at ron. "Don't you pay attention?" he asked the rather oblivious Ron.  
  
"No!" Ron shouted exasperatedly. "You know I don't pay attention in class!"  
  
"Well yeah, but it was mentioned a few chapters ago! There were like, FOUR PAGES on it!"  
  
"Oops."  
  
Again, Harry looked at the camera and gave it a look that plainly said "How can he be such an idiot?!"  
  
"Well, stop eating the chocolate then," Harry said, taking a bite of it himself.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: This is probably short, but I'm posting another chapter at the same time, whaddya want? It's not like you're paying me. Hey, if you were, I would probably update more often! *nudge nudge wink wink*  
  
Acknowledgements next chapter; I don't want to type them (or indeed, even put them up) twice.  
  
TTFN!  
  
..hey, has anyone else noticed that I'm a major loser? 


	10. Coinkydink Ten: BlaiseOut of the Void

Disclaimer: In case you couldn't tell, last chapter I was kidding. I didn't get any of them. Oh, wait, I forgot—I don't live in the REAL world! So I do own Snape, Lucius, Draco, And Luna! Woo-hoo! Par-tay!  
  
Author's Note: So...tired...must...write...not...promise...break...  
  
Oh, screw it, I'm tired, but I'm writing this anyway! Look at the dedication and marvel how I ever got accepted into the lazy American society! ...Well I got news, for you: I wasn't! So there!  
  
Have a nice day!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot (but not so much this chapter because I am excruciatingly tired)  
  
By: Aw, who the crap do you think it is? Mohotma Ghandi?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hermione, two chapters ago: "Oh." After a completely unremarkable someone told her why she had been knocked out.  
  
Now that we're all caught up and remembered!  
  
"Yeah. Kinda anti-climactic, but hey! We aren't even at Hogwarts yet!"  
  
"We?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Er—I mean—"  
  
She was spared the confusion of answering by the fade-out to the next scene. And because I'm too tired to think up an answer for her to answer with.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Cut to an image of...(bum bum bum)...*drumroll*(doesn't the suspense just kill ya?)...VOLDEMORT'S HIDEOUT! Complete with giant sign, telling people what it is and what a great tatoo parlor it has.  
  
Cut to the inside...Voldemort's room. And inside, we see...waitasec! This isn't scary at all! Look at that! *swings camera around* It's Voldemort...but he's hula-hooping! What kind of terror is that?  
  
"A very bad kind, but I'll tell ya something," Lord Moldy Warts says, "It's a damn fun kind of terror! Whee!" he says, spinning the hula hoop around his arm.  
  
He's careful to not let it touch his cute little Japanese school-girl uniform. You know, like the kind they show in anime and manga cartoons...He even has what little hair he has up in pigtails. The whole situation would be a lot funnier if...no, I give up, this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Or written, for that matter.  
  
"And," the Lord of All Things Terrifying added, "It's something I'm good at naturally."  
  
*sigh* If only it could have been Lucius...  
  
"I heard that!" Tom Marvolo Riddle said indignantly, pulling out his wand, "Avada Kedavra!"  
  
"...Hey!" he said after a second. "Why aren't you dead?"  
  
Because I'm the author, genius! Jeez, why didn't I write you smart? And Lucius really would look better in drag. For that matter, he'd look a helluva lot better in that Japanese schoolgirl outfit. *gets all misty- eyed*  
  
Moldy Warts: *gets all misty-eyed*  
  
OK, we're leaving now!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Yeah, that was just freaky, Miss Author Person," Blaise Zabini said aloud as he floated through the gigantic void. It really was stupid of Draco to tell the author to go away. Without the author, there was nothing to do!  
  
"I know, but it was funny, right?" I said, randomly appearing.  
  
"Yeah, I guess," Blaise said, nodding his head. "Voldemort and hula hoops," he said laughing, "that was priceless!"  
  
"Yeah. I actually got the idea from someone else, but she said I was free to use it...ah, Maggie the cheese girl, she's the best..."  
  
"Uh, yeah...listen, do you think you could get me out of this void? I mean, it's kinda boring," Blaise said. Man, do I need a thesaurus...  
  
"Yeah. But what about Draco?" I asked.  
  
"What about him?" Blaise asked.  
  
"Point taken. Very well, no more void for you! Where would you like to be set down?"  
  
"Uh, I'd actually love to go to the Bahamas, but I need to go to school, so I guess the Hogwarts school train, September 1997."  
  
"Right-o, my friend," I say, blowing away with wisps of smoke as the world of his choice un-dissolves around him. What? It's better than resloves, or asolves. Neither of those make sense! ...Stop looking at me like that!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Draco = stupid, therefore, Draco = Still in void. AHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaohnevermind.  
  
"I really wish I wasn't in this giant void," Draco sighed, stating the obvious. But duh. I mean, come on, he's Draco. He's hot, but he's not that bright.  
  
"Hey, I can read, you know!" Draco shouted angrily, ten minutes after I wrote that line, which he started reading as soon as I wrote it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Yeh, I said I was tired. Besides, Blaise got out of the void! We should all rejoice, for the time of prophecy has come to pass, as has all intelligent government.  
  
Anyway.  
  
A big hug to:  
  
tor-and-fenris: Score six for imagined schitzophenia! I probably didn't spell that right, but who cares? Anyway. VOTE JIMMY! Jimmy gives you cookies.  
  
Cajun Rogue: Of course I won't be mad, I'm an even more spazzy updater than you are! ...I mean...  
  
And that was it! What is WRONG with you people? I'm funny! FUNNY I SAY! You must read! It's how things ARE! Ack! The world is coming to an end!  
  
Oh, and I recently discovered an obsession with Blaise Zabini that I have! Yay, Blaise!  
  
Hey, if you noticed that I'm a major loser, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! I don't want to be TOO obvious... 


End file.
